I'll Do It
by Chibizoo
Summary: Yuugi wonders why he is always expected to be kind, considerate, and thoughtful to his friends. A ficlet exploring human yearning and selfishness.


Author's notes:  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-gi-oh.  
  
I've had a really bad week. I wrote about it in my lj and attracted a lot of unneeded attention. Ultimately, I realized exactly how stuck up and selfish I was acting. Lily-chan and Tenshi-chan then wrote a beautiful birthday ficlet for me.  
  
And _this_ ensued.  
  
Warnings: You must have a brain.  
  
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".For the world, which seems, To lie before us like a land of dreams, So various, so beautiful, so new, Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light. And we are here as on a darkling plain"  
  
Mathew Arnold, "Dover Beach"  
  
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I'll Do It  
  
"It's alright," I mutter, standing up from my spot. "I'll do it."  
  
My lunch is left still bandaged in plastic and crinkled brown paper on the blemished lunch table. I could see the Comet soap powder lubricated dust-like on the table surface.  
  
Slowly, I brace my figure against the sea of bodies. I have a tendency to often get "lost in a crowd"; my physical size only hinders such aspects.  
  
I dutifully grab handfuls of the cafeteria forks and napkins, taking a few extra packets of the ketchup before heading back to the table. My spot is still untouched, my lunch carefully preserved, my friends chatting as if I were not there.  
  
But that is what they expect, isn't it? Me, Yuugi, always the quiet, unprotesting, dutiful one. I'm the one who always agrees, who sympathizes, who says "I'll do it." As much as I hate it, I have to do it. Everyone expects that from me.  
  
I take my spot again on the table. Anzu and Honda are on one side of me; Jounochi and Ryou on the other. Otogi is sitting adjacent from me and Seto Kaiba is, naturally, nowhere to be seen.  
  
But that is expected. I expect to sit next to my friends, to feel only the invisible presence of the famed CEO classmate, and to sometimes be graced by the absence of Ryou. This, combined with what my friends expect from me in turn, is my life. This is what I absorb myself in each and every day.  
  
I force my mind to focus and synchronize with the conversation collecting among my friends.  
  
"Shizuka is doing much better these days." Jounochi's face was glowing. "The doctors say that she can start school next year."  
  
Both Otogi and Honda give an ear-to-ear grin. It only made sense, since they had proclaimed their devotion to Jounochi's little sister. They were the maestros concerning that issue.  
  
Our life is like that. Some conversations, some events, actions are meant for certain people. True, I am interested in Shizuka's well being, but I am expected to be less interested than Otogi and Honda. I, for one, do not exhibit devotion or a "crush" on Jounochi's younger sister.  
  
Something's wrong; there's silence at the table again. Anzu is looking dutifully at her nails. I confess that I have a slight crush on her, even before I met the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle and all its mishaps afterwards; though sadly, I know the love can't be returned. It's somehow in my nature to find it pleasing and wonderful that Anzu likes, instead, my 'other self': the anonymous spirit of the Pharaoh still questing for his lost name.  
  
After all, why would anyone lust for someone as bland, boring, mediocre as me when there are so many other wonderful people in life? At the park, children admire the swans and peacocks; the beautiful and awesome things that stand out from their ordinary lives.  
  
The silence is deafening. I can see Ryou taking a jerky bite at his sandwich, his movements awkward and mechanical. He absently brushes a clump of white hair from his face, thumb resting momentarily on his cheek. I wonder how many others see Ryou's slightly puffy eyes. I wonder how many others have the same graceful frown staining the otherwise peaceful-looking face.  
  
Jounochi doesn't notice. His eyes are downcast and he is fiddling with his fork. He bites his lower lip nervously.  
  
Honda doesn't notice. He and Otogi are having a glaring contest, most likely in their attempts to compare the greater of their two loves. Otogi grins, leans over and snatches Honda's last fry, dipping it deeply into the thick layers of ketchup splattered on a greasy, paper-mashed tray. Honda, for all the competition and anger he claims to possess, shirks from his expected reaction and simply cleans up the cafeteria-produced mess.  
  
I wonder what life would be like if we did just that. If we blatantly ignored others, devoid of compassion or understanding. I wonder what would happen if we stood in silence and wallowed for hours in our own pity.  
  
Are humans greedy by nature? Do we somehow not yearn for an internal understanding, for someone to reach into us and feel our pain and express compassion?  
  
I shiver, the spirit within me stirs restlessly, and then the silent intermezzo passes.  
  
"So, Yuugi, what are you doing Friday?"  
  
Jounochi, of course. He always hated awkward moments.  
  
I shrug. "Nothing much. Probably helping grandpa with the Card Shop."  
  
"Geez, that reminds me." Jounochi slapped a hand to his forehead. "I signed up for some random volunteer thing because I thought I needed service hours to pass the school grade. It looks like I no longer need them, but the people still need me to volunteer."  
  
I could hear the remaining words. He didn't need to say it. Jounochi couldn't do it; he wanted to see Shizuka; he was busy and he was hiding something else that would most likely never escape from his tightly clamped jaws. He never liked the silent pity, always the one to cover everything with a rash, loud excuse.  
  
Anzu shifted uncomfortably. She often did volunteer activities, but I knew she wanted to practice her dancing; it was her lifelong desire and personal goal that extended beyond the beneficiaries of school-oriented volunteer activities.  
  
Honda and Otogi ignored the comment completely. They had better things to do.  
  
Ryou was staring at his sandwich.  
  
And what was I doing? Looking, shifting my gaze to everyone else while clutching whatever wrapped food I had in my unmoving hands? Did anyone else see my reluctance and innate desire to absorb myself in _my_ tasks only and not care about anyone else? I am the master of my own life. I shouldn't worry about others because in the grand scheme of things, it is only I who affect my future and myself. Jounochi's problem has nothing to do with my life. I'm as selfish, as absorbed, as greedy and reluctant as they are.  
  
"It's no problem." My lips are moving, and I realize that they have betrayed me again. "I'll do it."  
  
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End notes:  
  
Cue the end of the random, meaningless, plotless ficcie o_o  
  
My attempts at writing tangible things are currently on holiday ^^;;; 


End file.
